"And he will wipe every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away." - Revelation 21:4
This is the scripture that's on the memorial card given out at my brother's funeral. He passed away on January 26th, 2013. For a long while he was all I thought about, the only thing that got me through the day was the thought that he was with me, and knowing that everything I did was to make him proud. He was always my motivator. He was always the one that said "you're going to be the one who is going to make it. You're going to college."
When I met my boyfriend, I started to thing of Michael less and less. Deshawn became sort of a replacement, an emotional rebound. It came to the point where I would ask myself "why haven't I thought of Michael? Why have I stopped trying to make him proud?" Deshawn made me forget all the sadness I was harboring within me, and I always wondered how I got over Michael's death so fast. Truth is, I wasn't over it, I was just distracted. Now that its been almost a year, I think of him more and more. Being that I got accepted to the college of my choice, I wonder if he's proud of me. I thought I'd be super happy, but in reality, I'm not. Not one bit. On top of that, my relationship isn't doing too well, and I think we're on the verge of breaking up. Now that I spend a lot of my time alone, I have time to sort through all those thoughts I suppressed almost a year ago. I'm turning 18 in about a month. January 22. It's crazy to think that he passed 4 days after my birthday, but when I found out, my birthday suddenly became unimportant. I just don't care anymore.
Ive been with Deshawn almost a year, and we're drifting apart. Ive been dealing with Michael's death almost year. Only difference is that on of those years is shorter than the other.
Either way, It's been almost a year.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Passion Blog
So, I'm pretty sure many people have heard of the website called Tumblr. (yes the '.' is included in the name.) A lot of people have no idea really of what it is. Tumblr is a website in which there are many different types of blogs, such as hipster blogs, fashion blogs, love blogs, depression blogs, sex blogs, food blogs, book blogs, music blogs, fandom blogs, anon blogs, technology blogs, gif blogs... the list goes on and on and on ( believe me !) My favorite blogs, however, are those blogs that resemble my own blog - Everything blogs.
Everything blogs are the kind of blogs that are created when a person is on tumblr simply to express themselves, and find an outlet for the things in their lives that are stressing them out. They also can be used as a procrastination tool/ time consumer. But most of us everything bloggers, we blog for these reasons and more. We blog because it's what we love to do, and we find peace in scrolling down a blue screen with all types of pictures and gifs on them. Tumblr is not a place for those people who are looking to find the meaning of it, or who get freaked out easily. Tumblr is a place for the people who need to take a step back from their own lives, and dont mind wandering into the worlds of others who just might be doing the same thing.
I personally am one of the people who would spend hours upon hours on the internet, mindlessly scrolling through photos, trying to get away from the world. My blog consists of things like love quotes, hipster pictures, fashion, lyrics from songs, landscape photos, naked people, stress relievers (my rants and raves, people love them ) and a whole variety of other things. As I said before, to enter the world of Tumblr., you must have an open mind, and be open to seeing all types of things. You never know when you'll see a vagina on your dashboard.
Everything blogs are the kind of blogs that are created when a person is on tumblr simply to express themselves, and find an outlet for the things in their lives that are stressing them out. They also can be used as a procrastination tool/ time consumer. But most of us everything bloggers, we blog for these reasons and more. We blog because it's what we love to do, and we find peace in scrolling down a blue screen with all types of pictures and gifs on them. Tumblr is not a place for those people who are looking to find the meaning of it, or who get freaked out easily. Tumblr is a place for the people who need to take a step back from their own lives, and dont mind wandering into the worlds of others who just might be doing the same thing.
I personally am one of the people who would spend hours upon hours on the internet, mindlessly scrolling through photos, trying to get away from the world. My blog consists of things like love quotes, hipster pictures, fashion, lyrics from songs, landscape photos, naked people, stress relievers (my rants and raves, people love them ) and a whole variety of other things. As I said before, to enter the world of Tumblr., you must have an open mind, and be open to seeing all types of things. You never know when you'll see a vagina on your dashboard.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Murder By Numbers ( ID Nov. 20 make up)
In Forensics class, with Ms. Bartoli, we are watching a movie called "Murder by Numbers" starring Ryan Gosling, Sandra Bullock, and a bunch of other actors whose names I did not wish to learn.
Anyway, Bullock's character is a detective who has issues within herself. She likes to hurt people emotionally and feels no remorse. Gosling's character is a highschool student who murdered two people because he's rich, bored, and thinks he wont get away with it.
I havent finished watching the movie, but it's really interesting because it has all these facts about forensic science that are actually true. None of this stuff is made up, and it makes it a lot easier to learn. The movie is very interesting because there are so many underlying issues, and its not just a basic concept. There are about 3 different issues going on within the movie and they all tie together at the end.
After learning a few things in the class, I find myself analyzing situations differently and seeing details in things that I wouldn't have seen before. Forensics has become my favorite class.
Anyway, Bullock's character is a detective who has issues within herself. She likes to hurt people emotionally and feels no remorse. Gosling's character is a highschool student who murdered two people because he's rich, bored, and thinks he wont get away with it.
I havent finished watching the movie, but it's really interesting because it has all these facts about forensic science that are actually true. None of this stuff is made up, and it makes it a lot easier to learn. The movie is very interesting because there are so many underlying issues, and its not just a basic concept. There are about 3 different issues going on within the movie and they all tie together at the end.
After learning a few things in the class, I find myself analyzing situations differently and seeing details in things that I wouldn't have seen before. Forensics has become my favorite class.
You Just Don't Sit Well With Me (Nov 13 Make Up - Free Choice)
So it's senior year, and there have been many changes to the school we've been in for so long. The biggest change- FACULTY.
I personally am not a fan of some of the new teachers, and I know I'm not the only one. I honestly think its because of a disconnection between the two sides- and neither one of them is going take the initiative to talk to the other side. Although I get really irritated at times and I want to curse certain teachers out, I have more respect than that. There are few things I will say:
- Just because you're an adult, doesn't mean you have the right to treat us like your children.
My mother doesn't yell at me, you have NO right, at all.
- You're a good teacher, and I respect that; but I can't relate to you in any way, so I decided I shouldn't give you the time of day.
Theres nothing that makes me feel like I can get to know you on another level. Having a more personal relationship makes school easier for everyone. We're going to continue to clash, no doubt about it. Personally, I feel like the only way I'm gonna want to learn from you is if I feel like you know what type of things teenagers in NYC deal with. Understand that we want to learn, but if you give us attitude, you're getting right back, and it'll 10x more intense.
- If you don't respect me, I sure is hell won't respect you.
That's self explanatory.
I personally am not a fan of some of the new teachers, and I know I'm not the only one. I honestly think its because of a disconnection between the two sides- and neither one of them is going take the initiative to talk to the other side. Although I get really irritated at times and I want to curse certain teachers out, I have more respect than that. There are few things I will say:
- Just because you're an adult, doesn't mean you have the right to treat us like your children.
My mother doesn't yell at me, you have NO right, at all.
- You're a good teacher, and I respect that; but I can't relate to you in any way, so I decided I shouldn't give you the time of day.
Theres nothing that makes me feel like I can get to know you on another level. Having a more personal relationship makes school easier for everyone. We're going to continue to clash, no doubt about it. Personally, I feel like the only way I'm gonna want to learn from you is if I feel like you know what type of things teenagers in NYC deal with. Understand that we want to learn, but if you give us attitude, you're getting right back, and it'll 10x more intense.
- If you don't respect me, I sure is hell won't respect you.
That's self explanatory.
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