FC - wait, This is still senior year...

So, you know how in my last post I talked about how college was stressing me out and how sending out all the stuff was killing me? Yeah, thats still happeneing.  But I realized the other day that this is still senior year, and despite all the college stuff, I still need to keep my grades up and graduate. I still nee to pay senior dues, pay for prom and decide whats happening with that and all this other stuff.
Oh! And get this, I dont even have a date. I know, right ? The boyfriend and I broke up so now I have no idea who I'm going with, or if im even going at all.

Some girl bought her dress the same EXACT colors that I chose: mint green and black. Typa shuttucky mushrooms is that ?! When she showed me her dress, I was SUPER annoyed. like SUPER FREAKING ANNOYED. So you know what, I'm keeping my colors, I know what her dress looks like, so I just have to look better than her, PERIOD.

I was digressing... Anyways, yeah senior year is almost over and graduation is coming up shortly. I get paranoid sometimes because my biggest fear is that I missed a class from way back when, and I won be on track to graduate. THAT WOULD KILL ME. (see I always get right back to the college thing. Then I'll wake up in the morning and be like "wait, this is still senior year...")

FC College Will Kill Me

I did all my college applications early for a reason: so I wouldnt have to deal with the situations im in now, stressing to mail things out on time. Im pretty sure im done at this point, and just have to wait for my FAFSA to go through. But a lot of schools are asking for things that Ive never even heard of. Like what in the hell is a tax transcript?!!? My mother doesnt even know what that is and she does her taxes every year! Im so confused when it comes to taxes, Im dreading the day I will have to do them myself. UGHHHHH. So the schools are asking for these things plus midyear transcripts and recommendations and all this other stuff. I cant send out a good transcript if im never freaking in class trying to do all this college stuff by a deadline, and keep my sanity !

I already have anxiety issues, but lately, it's getting worse. I used to have really bad nightmares and they stopped for a while, but they're coming back. Last night I had a reccuring one. It started off really well, then all of a sudden im scared for my life, and woke up in a frenzy. This college stuff, along with the school issues, have to be the problem. FAFSA needs to get it together and hurry up because I'm not trying to be put on meds again and I dont think I can take much more of this. I just need to make my decision already.

ID Pre Calculus

Graphing was never my strong suit. Its not all that hard, but you have to know what you're doing. Recently, we learned about graphing tangent -_______- . Sin and Cos were complicated enough. I got a 75 on the test ! I was annoyed when I saw that, because I tried really freaking hard. Ive gone for some extra help, but it doesnt really make a diference because the lesson moves so quickly. If you look away for even one second, you will be confused. When you ask for somethihng to be repeated if you dont understand, theres a collective sigh, especially coming from the teacher. She hates repeating herself, and gets annoyed when we dont understand something. The class has ben with her for a few years now, so they kniw how things work. I sit in the front in every class for a reason, so I can understand things. They know all these little short cuts that we didnt learn in our regular class last year. She was SO right when she said this class would be a challenge. Im very irritated with math lately, and I know my grades tis marking period are gonna SUCK BIG TIME.

CRR THE STRESS

The last two weeks have been far from easy for me. I have been under so much stress due to ALL these class assignments we have been given. In English, its hard as hell to understand this stupid book, and then being in the honors class makes it worse, because its filled with a bunch of judgemental ballsacks that look at you like you have three heads if you dont understand something. Imagine how it is in math. I worked REALLY hard to get into the honors class this year and I feel like a fish out of water when theres new material. People automatically assume I'm smart (Or so I've been told) and I just look at them and think can I just be average? The answser is HELL NO. Colleges dont want average, they want outstanding. I spend every waking moment of my free time trying to get things done for these two classes and college.

I miss one day a week of english. Thats a blessing because i dont have to think  at work, I can just count; it is a stressor because sometimes the material that she gives is REALLY complicated. like the last grammar rule, 13; I asked for help twice and the teacher looked at me like i was crazy. I got sooo mad. I dont understand it, what the hell do you want me to do?! Ive found myself having to google the homework because she doesnt explain it thoroughly enough, and for those of us who miss class, yes we have the responsibility, but having that stupid little paper that says "Not ____, but ____" DOES NOT FREAKING HELP !