Wednesday, December 18, 2013

SSR Almost a year

"And he will wipe every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away." - Revelation 21:4

This is the scripture that's on the memorial card given out at my brother's funeral. He passed away on January 26th, 2013. For a long while he was all I thought about, the only thing that got me through the day was the thought that he was with me, and knowing that everything I did was to make him proud. He was always my motivator. He was always the one that said "you're going to be the one who is going to make it. You're going to college." 
When I met my boyfriend, I started to thing of Michael less and less. Deshawn became sort of a replacement, an emotional rebound. It came to the point where I would ask myself "why haven't I thought of Michael? Why have I stopped trying to make him proud?" Deshawn made me forget all the sadness I was harboring within me, and I always wondered how I got over Michael's death so fast. Truth is, I wasn't over it, I was just distracted. Now that its been almost a year, I think of him more and more. Being that I got accepted to the college of my choice, I wonder if he's proud of me. I thought I'd be super happy, but in reality, I'm not. Not one bit. On top of that, my relationship isn't doing too well, and I think we're on the verge of breaking up. Now that I spend a lot of my time alone, I have time to sort through all those thoughts I suppressed almost a year ago. I'm turning 18 in about a month. January 22. It's crazy to think that he passed 4 days after my birthday, but when I found out, my birthday suddenly became unimportant. I just don't care anymore.
Ive been with Deshawn almost a year, and we're drifting apart. Ive been dealing with Michael's death almost year. Only difference is that on of those years is shorter than the other.
Either way, It's been almost a year. 

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Passion Blog

     So, I'm pretty sure many people have heard of the website called Tumblr. (yes the '.' is included in the name.) A lot of people have no idea really of what it is. Tumblr is a website in which there are many different types of blogs, such as hipster blogs, fashion blogs, love blogs, depression blogs, sex blogs, food blogs, book blogs, music blogs, fandom blogs, anon blogs, technology blogs, gif blogs... the list goes on and on and on ( believe me !) My favorite blogs, however, are those blogs that resemble my own blog - Everything blogs.

     Everything blogs are the kind of blogs that are created when a person is on tumblr simply to express themselves, and find an outlet for the things in their lives that are stressing them out. They also can be used as a procrastination tool/ time consumer. But most of us everything bloggers, we blog for these reasons and more. We blog because it's what we love to do, and we find peace in scrolling down a blue screen with all types of pictures and gifs on them. Tumblr is not a place for those people who are looking to find the meaning of it, or who get freaked out easily. Tumblr is a place for the people who need to take a step back from their own lives, and dont mind wandering into the worlds of others who just might be doing the same thing.

      I personally am one of the people who would spend hours upon hours on the internet, mindlessly scrolling through photos, trying to get away from the world. My blog consists of things like love quotes, hipster pictures, fashion, lyrics from songs, landscape photos, naked people, stress relievers (my rants and raves, people love them ) and a whole variety of other things. As I said before, to enter the world of Tumblr., you must have an open mind, and be open to seeing all types of things. You never know when you'll see a vagina on your dashboard.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Nov 27


Murder By Numbers ( ID Nov. 20 make up)

In Forensics class, with Ms. Bartoli, we are watching a movie called "Murder by Numbers" starring Ryan Gosling, Sandra Bullock, and a bunch of other actors whose names I did not wish to learn.
Anyway, Bullock's character is a detective who has issues within herself. She likes to hurt people emotionally and feels no remorse. Gosling's character is a highschool student who murdered two people because he's rich, bored, and thinks he wont get away with it.

I havent finished watching the movie, but it's really interesting because it has all these facts about forensic science that are actually true. None of this stuff is made up, and it makes it a lot easier to learn. The movie is very interesting because there are so many underlying issues, and its not just a basic concept. There are about 3 different issues going on within the movie and they all tie together at the end.
After learning a few things in the class, I find myself analyzing situations differently and seeing details in things that I wouldn't have seen before. Forensics has become my favorite class.

You Just Don't Sit Well With Me (Nov 13 Make Up - Free Choice)

So it's senior year, and there have been many changes to the school we've been in for so long. The biggest change- FACULTY.
I personally am not a fan of some of the new teachers, and I know I'm not the only one. I honestly think its because of a disconnection between the two sides- and neither one of them is going take the initiative to talk to the other side. Although I get really irritated at times and I want to curse certain teachers out, I have more respect than that. There are  few things I will say:

- Just because you're an adult, doesn't mean you have the right to treat us like your children.
     My mother doesn't yell at me, you have NO right, at all.

- You're a good teacher, and I respect that; but I can't relate to you in any way, so I decided I shouldn't give you the time of day.
          Theres nothing that makes me feel like I can get to know you on another level. Having a more personal relationship makes school easier for everyone. We're going to continue to clash, no doubt about it. Personally, I feel like the only way I'm gonna want to learn from you is if I feel like you know what type of things teenagers in NYC deal with. Understand that we want to learn, but if you give us attitude, you're getting right back, and it'll 10x more intense.

- If you don't respect me, I sure is hell won't respect you.
           That's self explanatory.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


If You Come Softly by Jacqueline Woodson

this is a story of a boy and a girl, who were different, but the same. Brooklyn Native Jeremiah was a smart black male who got into a prep school in Manhattan. Ellie was an intelligent, rich, young Manhattan girl who was attending the same prep school.

Ellie was an intelligent young girl who had a father that worked too much, and a mom whom she addressed by her first name. Jeremiah's parents were divorced from each other, and lived across the street from one another. His mom was a big time book writer, and his dad was a hot shot director who's new lady was cute, but Miah just pretty much lived his life ignoring her.

Ellie and Jeremiah met at school and immediately fell in love. They made each other experience every aspect of innocent love there could possibly be. It seemed a bit odd to people of that time, because Ellie was Jewish and Jeremiah was black, but they didn't care. They loved each other unconditionally. It was really a love so beautiful and innocent that it brought joy to the hearts of even the bitterest folk.

One day, as Ellie walked Jeremiah to the train from her Manhattan home, a snow storm began so strong that she could not make it all the way there. He kissed her goodbye and they exchanged "I love yous" before departing. Jeremiah took a short cut through Central Park, beaming with happiness. He knew he was in love. Practicing his basketball moves, his dread locks catching snowflakes as they fell, he heard sirens and policemen yelling. He disregarded them at first, but after hearing the word "stop" multiple times, he was compelled to turn around. White officers made a terrible assumption about a young black male who "fit the description" whatever that may have been. In that moment with three loud bangs, Jeremiah was gone, planted on the cold, hard ground, snowflakes still falling around him.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

CRR - Apocolypse Now

In class, we watched the Heart of Darkness Movie adaptation called Apocalypse Now, that took place during the Vietnam war. From what I understood, the movie was about an army captain who was just hearing about an issue that had to do with Kernel Kurtz. Kurtz was an assassin of assassins (.. Que ?). He was supposedly killing off the people who were assassinating someone else. I DON'T KNOW. What I do know is that I really really really REALLY hope the actual book isn't as weirdly confusing as the adapted movie was. I think I was lost partially because I wasn't paying full attention in order to get all the details.

Reading the blurb on the book, I figure that it will be an interesting read, however not as interesting as I am used to. The sentence that really caught my attention was "But Mr. Kurtz has 'taken a high seat among the Devils of the land...'" This sentence caught my eye because I think it will be very interesting to know what they mean by the high seat. I also want to know who the Devils of the land are.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013


"I am the hell and the highwater." -Eli Pope

Theres a show on ABC network that i am very passionate about. Scandal. Olivia Pope is a 'fixer' who worked for the white house for current president, Fitzgerald Grant. Pope and Grant were sleeping together during the election campaign and also during the first year of his term as president. Olivia was head of communications and has a law degree. Her father is the Command of an agency called B-613, which is like the CIA, but on American soil. They have a group of people who are specially trained to kill people, and like it. But its completely legal because they do it 'for the protection of the greater good.' B-613 is a secret agency that Olivia and her associates (team of fixers) only know about because someone on the team used to be one of those assasins. Huk is a trained killer and hacker who was part of b-613, but was cut off because he had a wife and child. He ended up being homeless, and living in the Metro station in DC, where Olivia found and befriended him. She found out about his skills one day when he saved her from getting mugged, and then she asked what else he could do. She found out that he had the ability to get into any  encrypted file anywhere at anytime and she used him to help President Grant with his campaign. Huk did his job so pheonominally well, she moved him into her place, and gave him a job at her 'firm.'

Olivia and her team make it so that the most powerful people in Washington, D.C., keep their squeaky clean reputations. They go against the police and get favors directly from the White House to bypass all securities. When Pope's name was released to the public as the President's mistress, her father became her fixer and was going to send her away. He told her she could go either route she wanted to, to handle the situation. He also said he is the hell and the highwater, either way this would get handled.

I watch Scandal every Thursday, like its my religion.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

free choice

So tomorrow morning I have a flight at 8 am to the Dominican Republic. Honestly I'm not really excited to go.  I'm going to my cousin's wedding, and I'm not a fan of that side of my family. They're really holy people. They're Catholics who seem to look down upon those who don't practice a religion. My father's family is Catholic, while my mother's family is Pentecostal. For this reason, in my household, we do not practice religion because it was always inconsistent and caused controversy. Anyway, my father's side of my family is very judgemental. They don't seem to understand that everyone goes through all types of issues and has negative moments. It would be wrong to assume, but I personally think that they look down upon myself and my younger brother because we have different ways of living. We don't go to Church, technology runs everything around us and our parents work a lot, so we sorta had a huge hand in being raised, because we have been making our own decisions for quite some time. So I'm not completely sure how this weekend is going to turn out, I just hope I can actually get along with everyone. I am actually very prepared to just work all weekend, that's really what I am determined to do.

oct 2


Sunday, September 29, 2013


"Come, these are the tales of The Cool,
Guaranteed to go a make you fail from your school,
and seek unholy grails like a fool...
Fast talkin' on the hustle;
No Heaven up above you,
No Hell underneath ye,
and no one will receive thee;
So shed no tear, when we're not here;
and keep your Faith, as we chase The COOL."

Self Selected response, huh ?
Lets see if I can do this without seeming 'extra' as they say.

These are the lyrics to one my favorite songs, titled "The Coolest" by Lupe Fiasco. The whole song is about a dead man, (you'd have to hear it's entrance song, "The Cool" to fully understand) who is in fact, the coolest 'nigga' as stated over and over again in the song (I'm not just saying the word). This man lived his life as a drug dealer, or a hard worker in his eyes; and just wanted to be on top of the game. He remains unnamed but Lupe describes his situation more that perfectly. (If you listen to the song, I suggest reading the lyrics while you do) In reality the man was working towards what was the hood view of success. Yes, he was a street pharmacist, but he was also so smart it was scary. The Coolest, as he will be called, was living his life to support his daughter, and his woman, who he loved an adored more than life its self. He was on his way to the top of the ladder, and wasn't afraid to kill. However, this man was far from cold hearted. He knew there was a God, he knew that he head to repent for his sins, but with his life taken too soon, it became too late. Being that he wasn't bad enough for Hell, or good enough for Heaven, he became stuck. He was stuck here with us, remaining unseen to those who knew, and unimportant to those who didn't, is his song, he asked for forgiveness. repeatedly singing: "Lord please have sympathy, and forgive my cool young history as The Coolest Nigga..." He was aware of his mistakes and knew that he was to stay here until he could have proven his worth. I don't think it ever happened though. He learned that crying wouldn't help, because he no longer could. Watching over his lover and daughter, he reminded them to keep their faith, they were also in the race. Chasing the Cool. They would make it someday.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Blog #1 - Free Choice

I am sitting in my living room this sunday morning, watching a show on MTV called Ridiculousness, laptop open, feet up, with my father does his weekly whatever it is that he does. (I never really bothered to ask).

I am trying to figure out what to write about, and every time I come up with an idea, I shake my head ‘no‘ and change my mind. So eventually I just started to write, and I got an idea. I'll write about how I can't think of what to write about.

Over the last 45 minutes I have come up with ideas such as elaborating on the lyrics to  a song I like, describing my favorite show, and even talking about my relationship. But I figured, not one of those things is school appropriate. I also want to make sure I write a post that my classmates won't judge me negatively on. Considering the kids at our school have a tendency to say things that hurt feelings, without even realizing it. Believe me, I'm one of them. So finally i decided to write about whatever comes to my head. So here it is.

There's one thing that I can't get off my mind, and that's college. Not knowing where I will be in a year really has me non edge. I am a nominee for the POSSE Scholarship, and I really hope I get it, because I want to go to Lafayette University in Pennsylvania, which is two hours away. I am really looking forward to it, but I'm still very nervous. Lets Hope all goes well.

 I literally cannot think of anything else thats appropriate for me to write about. So I'm gonna end it here. xo