Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Is my high schools resume enough?

So my brother works for Carlo Pazzolini, a high end fashion boutique, where only the best of the best are asked to work. (Yeah idunno how he made it there either, lol.)

Today he reminded me that I needed to email him my resume so that he could try and get me a job for the summer. Now, I'm aware of my qualities, and so are the people at capital one, but how do I get that accross to fashion forward people who don't know who I am ? Im not fashion forward people, I just like to be comfortable. Im not sure a retail job is right for me, but then again, its worth a try, right?

As I'm rewriting my resume, I'm thinking to myself "What if these people dont care about how much I did in highschool? What if they dont hire me because I'm a highschool grad who's only prior experience is a very leniant internship with Capital One? Or what if I just dont have 'the look' that everyone is always talking about?" There are so many things that come to my head, but then I think "the worst that could happen is that they say no, so I'll just apply for another job, right?"

Truth be told, I'm not sure what kind of job is right for me because I dont have much experience. The only motto I know is 'Service with a smile!' and it makes me sound like I work a McDonald's. So I'm not sure what I'm going to do, and if i get an interview what I'm going to wear. Ugh I pray to God that everything works out for the best.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

5/14 Make up - PB - My Baby Leroy

A couple months ago, my now ex-boyfriend Deshawn (aka the college guy lol) randomly came home with this really weird bag that had something fuzzy in it. I was so curious to find out what was in the bag, so I begged him to tell me for like 45 minutes; of course, he didn't.

So anyway, in the bag, there was this teddy bear that was just SOOOOO CUTE ! I literally jumped on the bed with so much happiness because he was just so perfect. It was like seeing a new born baby that wouldnt die if I hugged it really tight. Deshawn was obviously very proud of hiself for making me happy with a bear that I didnt even ask for, but thats besides the point.

As I analyzed the bear, I fell more and more in love with it. So then I decided to name him Leroy. According to Deshawn, Leroy is a very Jamaican name (he's Jamaican) and he kept asking if I was sure I wanted to keep that name. I repeatedly assured him that I didnt care where he thought the name originated from, it was the name I gave him and I thought it was perfect, just like him. 

To this day, I sleep with Leroy every night, and he goes absolutely everywhere with me (if I know that I'm sleeping over). No matter where I stay, Leroy is right under my arm keeping me safe from all the goblins and night crawlers. ( I'm a really big punk) Leroy is my baby, and he means the world to me. I just hope my roommate in college doesnt think I'm weird for not being able to sleep without a teddy bear. Im not willing to break this habit.

Sunday, May 4, 2014


See that title, yeah I just made it up lol.

So today is Sunday the 4th of May, the day my mother and I decided to go attempt to find a prom dress. It was an okay day, being that my mother and I argued, laughed, agreed, disagreed, and most of all, burned some calories.

I am a VERY picky person when it comes to things that are important to me. If something means a lot to me I refuse to settle for less. Usually, I can conform to finding something that I will be content with and won't cause me any discomfort. For example, when I used to go shopping, I'd spend hours upon hours looking for things that I absolutely loved, and if I didn't love it I wouldn't buy it. As I got older, I realized that my taste and style is actually very different from other girls. There are some girls who are happy wearing skirts, and others who like to wear sweats; me, I like to wear boy sweaters with jeans and Vans/Toms. (Yes that is exactly what I wore today, a sweater intended for boys that I got at H&M on the sale rack [I'll post a picture of my sweater] , dark blue slim fit jeans, and toms) So finding things to wear became easier for me, since I knew no one else would wear it, and I knew I'd be comfortable.

I digressed.

I used to want my prom dress to be jaw-dropping, drop dead gorgeous. I wanted to win best dressed at prom, and I wanted all eyes on me. But then today, I realized something: I was ready to pay $500 for a dress I was only going to wear once, for what? So that people can tell me how beautiful I look or an hour? Or so that I can have everyone staring at me for 10 minutes? No, that's unnecessary; I know I'm going to look beautiful, and the only person who needs to be staring at me is my date. (ex boyfriend, YES HE HAS TO, SO HE CAN REMEMBER WHAT HE'S MISSING OUT ON!)

Bottom line is, there's no need for a $500 dress, when a $150- $200 dress will look just as beautiful on me. I don't need to win best dressed, being that it's a title I'm only going to hold for one night. I want to go to prom, take pictures, and have fun with my girls. Not have a dress that I'm afraid to move around in because I paid so much for it. Besides, it's one night and I don't want to miss out on enjoying it to the fullest because of a dress.

And my feet HURT ! OMG

[I love this sweater]

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

I guess another FC

I'm not completely sure if I did a blog for this week. So here's an extra one. Just in case.

So I'm sitting here. Hot as all hell. Rewriting this essay, right? Then. I lose it. I just lost the whole thing. I was typing, then BAM! Essay gone. Like what the fudge cake, man ?!  Ugh I'm so annoyed. Just so very annoyed. I have to rewrite my new essay. But I'm so sleepy and I have the worst cramps.
So. This is my life. Let's pray I either wake up early tomorrow or get to school on time. Cus my grades NEEEEEED to stay up. 🙅👋👋 night world.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

March 19 blog makeup


FC - I finally made a decision..

So If you know me, you know that I have been SOOOOO indecisive about what college Im choosing. But thankfully, with the will of Jesus and God and all the holy spirits. I FINALLY made a decision. I sent my deposit in, Im ready to attend, The SUNY College At Old Westbury. I visited the school over spring break, and I really liked it, even though it was raining really bad on the day I went. I enjoyed the campus, I felt really comfortable walking through the hals and sitting in the classrooms. So it made me happy to say that I finally was choosing a place. I finally regained stability in my life. I mean, im not 10000% happy because i was hoping to get away from all things and people from TMA, but I'm not complaining. Its a big campus, and hopefully I can find myself and flourish the way that I never could in such a small environment. I already started buying things for college, and just the thought of it makes me happy. Living on campus and doing everything the way I want to do it, not how my mom wants her house, or the school's policy says I need to dress. NO MORE UNIFORM. even though i never really wore the uniform anyway (shhhhhhh !) I'm off to college in 3 months, and I couldnt be any happier .

Sunday, April 6, 2014


So theres this book, The Taming of the Shrew, and it's by far the weirdest and one of the most confusing books I've ever read.
So theres Kat, and shes crazy so no man wants to marry her. (We actually never find out why shes crazy) Kat has a younger sister, Bianca, whos kinda irrelevant in this story but for some reason shes a main character. Anyways, this guy wants bianca, but she can't get married until Kat does so first. (Dont ask my why, idunno) So the dude (i forgot his name) that wants Bianca gets some rich a hole to marry Kat, and tells him that he can take all her money once they are married. So Petruchio marries Kat, treats her like dirt, gets the money, blah blah. But all the while the guy that wants Bianca is pretending to be a tutor in order to spend more time with her. Which didnt make any sense to me at all because for all that he coulda just asked her father if he could take her out on a date or something. I guess times were REALLY different back then.

So as the book goes on, a bunch of stuff happens that I should probably go back and review because I'm going to have to write an essay about it :( . And at the end theres this scene where the guys are betting to see which one of their women serves them best. Everyone thought Kat was gonna have a fit, which she did, but for a completely different reason. She was md at the other two women for not wanting to serve their men because that was the way things were supposed to work. (no sweetie, im sorry) I was so mad at Kat at that point because she was such a strong woman. shame shame..

Sunday, March 30, 2014

FC - wait, This is still senior year...

So, you know how in my last post I talked about how college was stressing me out and how sending out all the stuff was killing me? Yeah, thats still happeneing.  But I realized the other day that this is still senior year, and despite all the college stuff, I still need to keep my grades up and graduate. I still nee to pay senior dues, pay for prom and decide whats happening with that and all this other stuff.
Oh! And get this, I dont even have a date. I know, right ? The boyfriend and I broke up so now I have no idea who I'm going with, or if im even going at all.

Some girl bought her dress the same EXACT colors that I chose: mint green and black. Typa shuttucky mushrooms is that ?! When she showed me her dress, I was SUPER annoyed. like SUPER FREAKING ANNOYED. So you know what, I'm keeping my colors, I know what her dress looks like, so I just have to look better than her, PERIOD.

I was digressing... Anyways, yeah senior year is almost over and graduation is coming up shortly. I get paranoid sometimes because my biggest fear is that I missed a class from way back when, and I won be on track to graduate. THAT WOULD KILL ME. (see I always get right back to the college thing. Then I'll wake up in the morning and be like "wait, this is still senior year...")

Sunday, March 16, 2014

FC College Will Kill Me

I did all my college applications early for a reason: so I wouldnt have to deal with the situations im in now, stressing to mail things out on time. Im pretty sure im done at this point, and just have to wait for my FAFSA to go through. But a lot of schools are asking for things that Ive never even heard of. Like what in the hell is a tax transcript?!!? My mother doesnt even know what that is and she does her taxes every year! Im so confused when it comes to taxes, Im dreading the day I will have to do them myself. UGHHHHH. So the schools are asking for these things plus midyear transcripts and recommendations and all this other stuff. I cant send out a good transcript if im never freaking in class trying to do all this college stuff by a deadline, and keep my sanity !

I already have anxiety issues, but lately, it's getting worse. I used to have really bad nightmares and they stopped for a while, but they're coming back. Last night I had a reccuring one. It started off really well, then all of a sudden im scared for my life, and woke up in a frenzy. This college stuff, along with the school issues, have to be the problem. FAFSA needs to get it together and hurry up because I'm not trying to be put on meds again and I dont think I can take much more of this. I just need to make my decision already.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

ID Pre Calculus

Graphing was never my strong suit. Its not all that hard, but you have to know what you're doing. Recently, we learned about graphing tangent -_______- . Sin and Cos were complicated enough. I got a 75 on the test ! I was annoyed when I saw that, because I tried really freaking hard. Ive gone for some extra help, but it doesnt really make a diference because the lesson moves so quickly. If you look away for even one second, you will be confused. When you ask for somethihng to be repeated if you dont understand, theres a collective sigh, especially coming from the teacher. She hates repeating herself, and gets annoyed when we dont understand something. The class has ben with her for a few years now, so they kniw how things work. I sit in the front in every class for a reason, so I can understand things. They know all these little short cuts that we didnt learn in our regular class last year. She was SO right when she said this class would be a challenge. Im very irritated with math lately, and I know my grades tis marking period are gonna SUCK BIG TIME.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014


The last two weeks have been far from easy for me. I have been under so much stress due to ALL these class assignments we have been given. In English, its hard as hell to understand this stupid book, and then being in the honors class makes it worse, because its filled with a bunch of judgemental ballsacks that look at you like you have three heads if you dont understand something. Imagine how it is in math. I worked REALLY hard to get into the honors class this year and I feel like a fish out of water when theres new material. People automatically assume I'm smart (Or so I've been told) and I just look at them and think can I just be average? The answser is HELL NO. Colleges dont want average, they want outstanding. I spend every waking moment of my free time trying to get things done for these two classes and college.

I miss one day a week of english. Thats a blessing because i dont have to think  at work, I can just count; it is a stressor because sometimes the material that she gives is REALLY complicated. like the last grammar rule, 13; I asked for help twice and the teacher looked at me like i was crazy. I got sooo mad. I dont understand it, what the hell do you want me to do?! Ive found myself having to google the homework because she doesnt explain it thoroughly enough, and for those of us who miss class, yes we have the responsibility, but having that stupid little paper that says "Not ____, but ____" DOES NOT FREAKING HELP !

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

FC - moving my car

My father usually takes the car to work, so moving it was never an issue, but now that hes gone to Dominican Republic, its driing me crazy! Everyday I come home, and i have to grab the keys out of the bowl, and go move the car. Being that its so cold, I have to wait for the car to warm up, in order to save the transmission. (my father is very adamant about that). Then driving around in circles to find a spot that is big enough, isnt next to a fire hydrant, and still allows me to follow the Alternate Side of The street parking rules, because 'They are in effect citywide", goodness i hate hearing that. Which is why I dont drive to school, I'll never find any parking. One of these days I might, because it is just TOO cold to be walking. This is ridiculous how cold it is, going from 50 degrees to 10, okay im babbling.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Feb 12 ID

I am an intern at the Capital One Bank branch at Thurgood Marshall Acadmy. As an intern for this bank, I have many responsibilities and that need to be taken care of. It is very difficult sometimes becuse there are a lot of little details that need to be remembered when following procedures for certain events. Everything has to be done in a chronological order and althought doiong them everyday can make this easy to remember, if we miss a step, our boss makes it very hard to forget. Working at a bank at such a young age really is an amazing opportunity. At 17, we had more experience in the field than most grown men and women these days.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

CRR - Standstill

So for a few days most classes have been at a standstill, nothing has been taught, and no one is really paying attention to the enviromnemt and how its changing. Waiting for the break is the hardest thing ever. And then theres Finals on top of that. What are we to do? This is all important, but still not something that we look forward to. (yes, I'm Babbling, I know). Other than taking or preparing for exams, nothing really happens in our classes. Why? Because everyone's fed up with this school year already.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

ID - Pre Calulus

I take Pre Calc with Ms. Rios and the Honors class. Initially, I wasn't supposed to be in the class due to my performance in 10th grade. I brought my grades back up last year when I did my absolute best in most of my classes. Some teachers I just didnt get along with. Anyway,  this year I made it into Pre Calc, and being that I didnt take Honors Trig last year, I had the absolute hardest time trying to keep up. At first i thought i was dumb, but then i realized that I just wasnt trying hard enough. I was expecting it to come easily to me, the way trig did last year. So when the end of the semester came rolling around, I was terrfied. I thought i was going to fail that midterm, so i studied as much as i could and just hoped for the best. When i saw my score, I did a little dance because i was so proud of myself. I got a 90, and i know thats not passing with flying colors, but i can say my colors were floating, or gliding even.

Pre Calc is hard, no questions asked. But I'm ready for the second semester. I'm also ready for the math im going to take in college. Ms. Rios is a great teacher, and something she told me will stick with me for the rest of my education career, "If they try to throw you in a math class lower than your level, dont take the easy way out, you change that class, cus you're smarter than that and you shouldn't deal with that crap!"

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

CRR - Watership Down

So in my government class with Ms. Horne, we watched a movie about rabbits called Watership Down. It was about a bunch of rabbits who were looking for a home. Seems simple right ? Uh, NO. That was the most complicated movie I have ever watched. Half the time I had no idea about what was going on. The events in the movie were occurring so quickly that we had to watch the movie about 3 times to understand bits and pieces of it. Yes, 3 times.

We were then assigned a project to do. We had to create a leadership book about the movie. Basically we had to answer questions given to us, and make a book out of them. That task is actually harder than it sounds. Even though I saw the movie 3 times, I still found myself researching answers to the questions. I had no clue half of those things even happened in the movie. Anyway, that wasn't the hardest part. It was actually illustrating the book. I tried to get every detail right and I'm no artist, so that was super difficult for me. And then we have to color it too ! I haven't had this much work to do since I started senior year. My college applications were simpler than this project. Thankfully, I'm almost done, all I have left to do is color my drawings. and paste the last two answers into the book. Unfortunately, I don't have a printer or color pencils at home. If I don't get this in by 4th period on Tuesday, I'm screwed. Anyway. I'm working on it.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Free Choice -

I have no idea what to write. Im on the phone with my sister, and she's telling me about her home situations and how she's unhappy. Its crazy to think of how many issues people can have without anyone knowing about it. No two poeple can be compared because no two poeple come from the same walks of life.  I know i cant fix anyone else's problems, i cant shelter all the homeless, i cant feed all the hungry. 

but i need to fix my own issues, and right now, that issue is my confidence. I know im not the best looking person in the world, and no, i dont need anyone telling me that im Princess Diana, but I wish I had the confidence she did.